UNHAPPY & YAPPY.
It’s LOUD these days. There are so many people talking into hot mics, right? Manosphere forums, feminist podcasts, “Hotep” interviews, heretic hunting youtube videos, scandal blogs-and their comment sections, hot takes on Threads and Twitter, TikTok 49 pt story sagas, salon gossip… people are yappinggggg. It’s no wonder we feel exhausted, anxious, and cynical. It seems as though our excessive talking is a symptom of something more.
I say OUR for a reason. I loveeeee to talk. Some of it’s indicative of my relationships with people. I am absolutely enamored with culture and why we behave the way that we do. I’m always so curious about the ways that we were, who we are, and who we could potentially be. Even still, talking makes me feel seen, heard and sometimes even valued. But maybe you’re thinking, “What’s the harm?”
I’m reminded of this scripture:
“In the multitude of words sin is not lacking, But he who restrains his lips is wise.” Proverbs 10:19
Worlds are built around words- not in some “new agey” kind of way, but in a more pragmatic one. The things that we say have the power to impact environments and atmospheres. Take one look at social media: our words can stir people up to anger or create snares for slander. Our words can steal time. Imagine all of the times we’ve talked ourselves out of productivity or responsibilities! I even think about this scripture in Matthew 6:7,
“And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words.”
Even in the context of faith, a bunch of talking for talking’s sake is a waste of time.
For people or groups who feel like they’ve been silenced and oppressed, the temptation to talk is even greater. We’ve been given platforms and microphones to right wrongs. That’s the a beautiful thing. We need people to speak out against injustice, but we still have exercise prudence. The devil’s temptation is for us to believe that vengeance is ours. We start to consult God less and yap more than we should. It’s a trauma response and an overcorrection.
We’re supposed to listen more than we speak. Listening implies a sense of selflessness and love. Listening is an indication that someone sees another’s humanity and wants to provide them with a sense of dignity. “Restraining ones lips” isn’t about being powerless, but kindness and humility. It can even be about service.
Because that is what people need- to feel heard. Your coworker who says something smug under her breath? She needs to feel heard. The toddler who says, “mama, mama” fifteen too many times….needs to feel heard. The red pill teenager commenting in a reddit forum, needs to feel heard. Your spouse who yaps on the phone to her best friend 5 times a week, needs to feel heard.
Less yapping, more listening. How do you intend to listen with intentionality this June? Here are some tips:
Put your phone down when you’re having an intentional conversation.
Sit on your hands- you’d be surprised how this reorients your brain to “lock in” during a conversation.
You have an accountability partner. Ask a trusted loved one, “Do you think I am a good listener? How can I improve?”
If you have a close friend, spouse, or family member, create a code phrase to trigger intent listening. For example, “I need BIG big listening now.”
Repeat back what you heard to see if you understand what someone says.
