MY 2024 DIARY ENTRY.
I visited my journal entry from December 31st 2024 and wanted to share an excerpt from the entry,
“Happy New Year’s Eve! There’s something about this day that is SO pregnant with expectation. In the same way, this day is full of dramatic irony. Me, the character, prepares things for the following year- all the while God knows what’s really to come. The wins, the losses, the lessons learned. It can sound a little cynical, but I truly try to remember that God is not simply “above me” and apathetic to my emotions (and even the trajectory of my life). Instead, I’m reminding myself that I’m doing life WITH God, that he cares, and he’s invested too.”
Seven days after that journal entry, the city of Altadena went up in flames. We evacuated. Loved ones lost homes. Folks lost businesses. This year was the hardest one personally, spiritually, and even professionally for my family. Even more, it was a devastating year globally, so much bloodshed and suffering. This was a year of grief, fractures in relationships, transitions, and beautiful moments too. I still don’t fully know what to say of 2025. I know that’s not as comforting as a ten point list of my spiritual revelations, but to posture myself as someone with all of the answers would be (for lack of a better word) …cringy and dishonest. I’m still pulling up the pieces of rubble from my expectations. I’m still blowing off the ash to get a better picture of who I am now.
There is still one thing that stands from my New Year’s Eve exerpt:
God is not in the distance, somewhere “above me”. God is not cruel. It’s not in his character to be arbitrary, even when we do not fully understand the greater picture. I’m reminded of God’s intentionality when I realize he’s sitting in the devastation with me. To be honest, there were times that it felt as though my mind was being held together by his hands, his word, his presence. I’m reminded of God’s intentionality when I spend time with people in my community- intricate testimonies and personalities, woven together to illuminate his glory. While this broken, fallen world (Genesis 3) can be cruel and heartbreaking, there are also beakons of light and hope.
Understand this too: As much as I need to honor my experience and appreciate my learnings, I am NOT the protagonist of earth’s story. “I am but a little pencil in the hand of a writing God, sending a love letter to the world,” Mother Teresa. My pencil needs sharpening from time to time… but ultimately, my life is to be of service. So is yours. So take some time…
If 2025 was challenging (or extraordinary), take a moment to reflect. Consider the things that are harder to come to terms with- bring them into prayer and community (and perhaps a clinician’s office). Try to find and pinpoint gratitude. AND, pray for the boldness to hope again.
